At work I’m constantly doing Internet research or looking for graphics. When I’m on a long Google search my ADD tends to kick in and I can occasionally go off topic. For example, say I’m looking for a photo of a family and happen to click on a picture of a hot MILF. This selection usually will cause a lengthy distraction by channeling me to photos of hot older chicks. When this happens, twenty minutes go by before remembering what I was originally looking for. These useless photo hunts happen often and are consistently inspired from clicking on a bone-worthy internet chic.

The other day was no different, while looking for a sports image I clicked on two women in a congratulatory volleyball embrace and went on the trip of a lifetime. One click was like opening a portal to another dimension, I was transported* to Lipstick Lesbian Beach Volleyball Land (Like Dutch Wonderland with better rides).

*transported-a spontaneous imaginary journey caused by my severe ADD and love for lesbians…

"I can't wait to eat a piece of your poon-nanny pie"

This image/link above was like the lesbian Stargate. The photo sat quietly in the bottom left hand corner of my browser. Hmmmmmmmm, whats this? You don’t see this everyday. Of course, I needed a closer look. As I looked over my shoulders to see if enlarging the image the width of my 20-inch monitor was safe, I accidentally clicked it. Everything went black.

The next thing I remember is opening my eyes and seeing an endless supply of glorious camel toes and perfectly tanned asses! Is this heaven?

Its like looking into a lesbian ass mirror.


Let's bump pita pockets until we can scissor with our double-sided dildo! YEA!

Good thing I can read lips cause these puppies are talking.

These women were all in peak physical condition prancing around in bikinis happily groping each other. My eyes couldn’t focus, they were running around the screen like a fat kid chasing an ice cream truck. Shaken by my discovery, I quickly tried to calm. Locking eyes with the above camel toe was the only way to refocus. Hypnotized by this va jing-jang, I was willing to do its bidding. As you wish my queen camel toe! All work responsibilities took a back seat to this endless sea of asshole portraits.

After staring at royalty for several moments the multiple ass photo below caught my attention. Assuming I’d be viewing more of the same I clicked this image with a hearty grin and MAN was I surprised.

peek-a-boo, I see you, tramp stamp...

Just when I thought this trip couldn’t get any MORE magical, IT DID! The athletes were abruptly replaced with images of hotter chicks. Further shocked by this discovery I immediately started asking questions…

1. Are these cheerleaders?

2. Huh?

3. The lesbians have lesbian cheerleaders?

4. Why was I never notified of this before?


Perfect 10

Is that a vagina in your pocket?

I love your chrome butthole


After perusing through several cheer photos I decided it was time to check back with the volleyballers. I also gave a quick look at my surroundings to make sure no one was hip to my games. GAME ON! As the volleyball resumed the lesbians started to get intense .

Wait till we're in the showers before you put your vagina in my mouth!

As I watched intently (stared blankly at my computer screen like a drooling idiot) I started picking up techniques these lesbians applied to their game. One technique that stood out was how these lesbians communicated with their hands; until this moment I didn’t even notice they had hands. They were using hand gestures to send plays or formations to the hot sweaty girl pulling up the rear. What could these signals mean?

Lets be honest, volleyball is rather simple. You have three hits to get the freaking ball over the net. With that said, these gestures must have a higher meaning. An ancient lesbian sign language lost over time? With a little studying and some careful dedication (ability to avoid work by staring at camel toes) I believe I have cracked this ancient lesbian hand code. God-speed you dirty little lesbian, sign-speaking sluts.

I need my scuba gear for the amount of muff diving I'm going to perform on that cheerleader.

My chunie is tighter than a ducks butthole. May I suggest two fingers?

I would like my gap stretched about yea big...

One in the pink and one in the stink.

Strap up partner, it's bazooka time!

The "P" makes a "B" sound in all Asian dialects. Sorry about the bulldyke but she helps confirm the lesbian aspect of my story.

Two fists?


No code here, just a wedgie.

If you tried to read her bathing suit you failed the homo test-YOU'RE GAY!

Phewwwww. Staring at camel toes all day gets exhausting. I need to get out of here before someone catches me. Goodbye for now mi ladies…

Feel free to translate your own image. Thanks!


Can you help me translate this last photo? ↑ I was struggling with it.


An active portal (gratuitous slow-motion ass video) ↑ Travel at your own risk.